Pope Francis raised eyebrows in 2014, and again in 2016, when he expressed the opinion that a good portion of sacramental marriages are invalid due to inadequate formation.

“They say, ‘Yes, for the rest of my life!’ but they don’t know what they are saying,” he said in 2016 at a pastoral conference in Rome. “They say it, they have goodwill, but they don’t know.”

While not everyone agrees with the Pope’s sacramental speculation, there has been widespread agreement that the Church’s conventional marriage-preparation process has failed to meet the moment.

“For far too long, our marriage-prep classes have been generic,” said Julia Dezelski, an associate director at the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops’ Secretariat of Laity, Marriage, Family Life and Youth.

But that’s changing, with both the universal Church and local initiatives giving Catholic marriage preparation needed updates.

In 2022, the Vatican jump-started the process, releasing its “Catechumenal Pathways for Married Life.” This new document, which outlines a formative process similar to the preparation adults go through with the Rites of Initiation, is intended to prepare couples in a more holistic way for the fullest participation in the sacrament of marriage.

“This is a monumental document because it provides a real new vision for marriage preparation for the entire Church,” said Dezelski.

As part of this vision, the Vatican suggests viewing the marriage-prep process as part of a “marriage catechumenate” that encompasses not only preparing for marriage, but also the wedding celebration and the early years of marriage. Additionally, the document emphasizes the need to tailor the process to an individual couple’s needs and preexisting formation: The “pathways” to married life are meant to be guidelines rather than strictly programmatic.

“Catechumenal Pathways for Married Life” indicates “a personalized approach to preparing couples for the sacrament of love.” 

 

Making Marriage Prep Personal

Currently, marriage preparation for couples often includes exploration of the Church’s teaching on marriage in some form, alongside personality inventories and covering common sources of conflict in marriage such as finances and family relationships. Courses also commonly cover the Church’s teaching on natural family planning and may include a retreat.

The details of these steps depend on the diocese, parish and couple, and in the spirit of the Vatican’s guidelines, many couples are already experiencing marriage prep as a personalized process.

Ellen and Ross Jensen, a couple living in South Bend, Indiana, prepared for marriage in a hybrid format, watching the Augustine Institute’s Beloved video program, working through interactive courses, and meeting regularly with a mentor couple (an option they selected rather than attending a retreat).

The Jensens, who met at the University of Notre Dame while in graduate studies, were already familiar with Catholic doctrine on marriage when they began the process. The most helpful aspect of marriage preparation for them was practical: completing a premarriage course from Alpha, a Christian ministry.

“A lot of it was not explicitly religious or theological, but it felt like the closest thing you could get to marriage counseling without actually paying to go see a therapist,” said Ellen.

The prompts provided by the course encouraged the couple to have wide-ranging conversations that they still find illuminating.

“It provided simple, ready-made resources that we could use as jumping-off points for conversation and reflection, which I think was the most meaningful way that we could prepare,” said Ross.

A solid Catholic prep program is “Witness to Love.”

Vanessa and Noel Devaere, a couple who married in Toronto in October, were encouraged by their archdiocese to extend their engagement period to a year or longer (another guideline that the Vatican document recommends). They also found a yearlong engagement helpful for practical reasons. Vanessa reflected on this period as “the preservation of a really beautiful moment,” a time to appreciate the engagement stage rather than seeing it as merely a stepping stone to marriage. 

Despite the length of their engagement, the Devaeres’ formal marriage preparation took the form of a weekend retreat. Among the options available to them, the retreat, hosted at Holy Name of Jesus parish in Essex, Ontario, was the most practical (Vanessa and Noel were living in different cities) and the most appealing.

“We’ve seen the fruit — couples who went through the marriage prep and now are happily married Catholic couples,” said Noel. The weekend had a strong focus on the practical considerations of marriage, such as family life and finances, in addition to a session on the theology of marriage and a witness from a young married couple on living out their faith in an intentional prayer life. 

“It was very authentic,” said Noel, “based mostly on [couples’] experience. They focused on a topic, but because a lot of the time was spent just in discussion on the topic with your spouse-to-be, you could focus on the things that mattered to you. “It was very personal, and I think that’s what made it good.”


 

Bolstering Prayer and Understanding

Dezelski emphasized that that the Church’s revisioning of marriage preparation requires “a lot more discernment to determine how to help each pair.”  

For many couples, this discernment may indicate a need for initiation into the Church’s rich doctrine on marriage and the family.

“Unfortunately, we haven’t always formed young people to know and understand the entirety of their faith, to see it in a holistic way. We want to help them to integrate their life,” said Msgr. Stuart Swetland, the president of Donnelly College, who has prepared many couples for marriage through his more than 20 years as a priest.

And there are some needs that all couples have. Any good marriage preparation program, Msgr. Swetland stressed, should involve deepening a couple’s prayer life. “We want them to be closer to Jesus than they’ve ever been before on the day of their marriage,” he said.

Accompanying Couples After ‘I Do’

The Vatican’s vision for marriage prep also calls for increased emphasis on building community and support for couples not only at the beginning of their marriage, but for years afterward. 

The document calls for “a form of accompaniment rich in closeness and witness,” which could include matching young couples with a mentor couple even after they’ve said “I do,” or integrating them more deeply into parish life.

“​​The Code of Canon Law and others call us to also have not only a fruitful celebration of the sacrament, but also ongoing formation and aid to couples recently married,” noted Msgr. Swetland. 

At the institutional level, Dezelski called attention to the USCCB’s National Marriage Week that culminates on St. Valentine’s Day. The weeklong occasion aims to “remind couples that there are resources to assist them in their marriage and the promotion of good, holy, healthy marriages, those preparing for marriage, but also those marriages that may need some help and some additional support.” 

Based on his experience serving at parishes throughout the United States, Msgr. Swetland told the Register that “marriage prep has gotten more focused, more complete, more holistic, [and] usually more prayerful as well.” 

As the Church continues to implement the recommendations of “Catechumenal Pathways for Married Life,” Dezelski expects that this trend will continue.

“Especially couples who are already planning to be married in the Church, they do want something: They want something deep and abiding that is going to prepare them with strong foundations for their marriage — this is an investment for their future, for a lifetime.”