When Ali Marie Watson conceived a child in 2012, she sought to place her baby in adoption.

The Paduca, Kentucky, native studied 30 profiles of adoptive couples sent to her by her adoption agency.

The couple who adopted Watson’s birth daughter, Olivia, now almost 12, were originally from New Brunswick, Canada. The adoptive parents shared her family values and even some of her personal likes and dislikes, Watson told the Register, adding that she was happy that the baby would grow up with the blessing of adopted cousins, too. And yet, Watson said that the whole process surprised her: “I had no clue that you could be so particular with your criteria for a couple.”

Watson’s favorable experience is not the norm. The vast majority of women and men facing unplanned pregnancies have inaccurate information about the process, incorrectly equate it with the foster-care system or, most often, believe it is not a realistic option, due to the marketing of the abortion industry or pressures from their parents or other family members or social-services agencies. 

Medical professionals also don’t often bring up adoption, despite the fact that many couples are looking to adopt children, including those with special needs, according to several adoption advocates.

 

3 Million Unintended Pregnancies Annually

The majority of Americans don’t understand modern adoption, or they do not choose it, advocates told the Register. A U.S. government website estimates there are about 3 million unintended pregnancies each year, but fewer than 1% of birth parents place their children in private adoption, according to another study.

Society tells women in crisis to take the easy way out and abort their child rather than considering all their options, said Terri Marcroft, founder of the Boise, Idaho-based nonprofit, Unplanned for Good, that assists with adoptions. 

She told the Register, “When your brain is facing an emergency, you’re not in a space to calmly sit down and evaluate your options. You’re very vulnerable and you’re feeling freaked out and scared, and it’s a really hard time to take in new information. You’re dependent on other people to help mentor you.”

Many women in unintended pregnancies also hesitate to consider adoption because they don’t want to be shamed for being pregnant or fear they’ll be judged as unfit to parent, adoption advocates also said.  

In addition, adoption is still seen by many as the closed, secretive process it was in the 1950s and ’60s, when some women in unintended pregnancies were made to leave their homes and give birth in secrecy. Their babies often were sometimes taken from them immediately and placed with families in closed adoptions where there was no contact between the birth parents and children.  

Today, most private adoptions are open or semi-open, allowing birth parents to select adoptive parents and determine the level of contact they want to have with their child and the adoptive parents.

“We tell them that you can choose the parents and get to know them,” said Heather Featherston, vice president of Lifetime Adoption, an adoption agency in New Port Richey, Florida. “You can decide what contact you want in the future, and it can even be letters and pictures. It could be in-person visits every year. You can be connected through social media or text messaging — and even make the decisions at the hospital: You can see and hold your baby and decide who cuts the cord.”

 

Knowing the Facts About Open Adoption

Another reason many women don’t consider adoption is that they mistakenly believe adoption and foster care are tied together, sometimes because they’ve seen a friend or relative lose parental rights because of abuse or substance use, after which their child is placed for adoption, Featherston said. 

“They don’t know about the choices, options and benefits of a healthy open adoption, where a woman chooses the parents and builds a relationship with them so she can stay a part of her child’s life.”

Women also avoid adoption because they or their parents don’t want to feel shame about the pregnancy, even though adoption advocates help to ease those feelings as they encourage them to choose life, Marcroft said. 

Abortion is seen as an easy “solution,” said Jeannie Nasers, administrator at Christian Adoption Services, a Fargo, North Dakota-based adoption agency, who helps women make the choice to parent.   

“They’re already through that critical decision-making point of realizing and accepting they are a mother and they have a child that they are carrying,” she said. “You can't choose parents for your child if you don’t believe that you’re a mother or that you have a child growing inside of you.”

Many of the women who contact Nasers decide to parent, but regardless of whether they choose to parent or adopt, her agency accompanies them, helping them find needed resources to succeed — for their sake and the baby’s. 

 

Adoption Hesitation

Another reason women in unplanned pregnancies may hesitate about adoption is the fact that, in most states, an attempt must be made to locate the baby’s father, prove paternity and get his consent, Nasers said. Women may feel shame if the baby’s father has been abusive and could object to the adoption or if there is more than one possible father, she said.

In addition, if prenatal testing or other indicators show that a child may have birth defects or other problems, birth parents who would otherwise want to parent may feel overwhelmed and pressured to abort, Featherston said, adding that they may feel ashamed that they’re considering placing a child with specials needs in adoption.

“So many times they’re presented as a life that has less value because they have Down [syndrome] or a heart condition and they really get scared into having abortions, unfortunately,” said board-certified OB-GYN Susan Bane, who worked 25 years in private practice but is now medical director of four eastern North Carolina pregnancy-resource centers.

Adoptive Families

But whether children are from an unintended pregnancy or have unexpected problems, many couples are waiting to adopt them, Featherston said.

That includes the Rooneys.

Even before they were married, Nathan and Kayla Rooney of Apple Valley, Minnesota, talked about adopting a child with special needs, in part because both had experience working with children with special needs and behaviors, Kayla said. Three years into their marriage, as the couple encountered infertility, they began the process of adopting their first daughter.

In the past eight years, the Rooneys, who are parishioners at St. John the Baptist in Savage, Minnesota, have adopted five children with special needs, ages 3 months to almost 8 years old. Because they’ve been open to accepting children with a variety of needs, they’ve had fairly quick placements. Among the children’s conditions, one has lung complications, another has a heart condition, another has a rare genetic disorder, and two have feeding tubes, but the Rooneys have found the care they each need. 

The couple has established a family culture of closeness, based on spending quality time together, and the children are very close, Nathan said. “They just love, love, love playing with each other.” 

The Rooneys and their children maintain contact with birth parents to varying degrees, including letters, text messages, pictures or video calls. All the adoptions are open to some degree; only the youngest child’s birth parents chose to have a closed adoption.

The unknown of how to care for children with special needs was intimidating at first, Nathan admitted, but love finds a way. “I would say that that fear is greatly relaxed.”

Featherston’s agency places about 120 children in adoption per year and about eight of those have special needs. 

“If medical professionals and others would take the opportunity to learn about modern adoption,” she said, “it really then puts the information and the options in the hands of the [birth] parents, who can make the best decision for their child.” 

Featherston and her agency equip medical and other professionals at hospitals, clinics, pregnancy centers and other organizations with tools to help women better understand adoption to make an informed decision.

“I look at adoption and I very much see the Crucifixion and the Resurrection happening, every day,” Nasers said. “Because you see this sorrow and agony, but then also this complete joy and life. It’s living constantly the results of our sins, but also the redemption of them.”

Strong Relationships

Watson continues to have strong relationships with her birth daughter and her adoptive family. They keep in contact through visits and frequent video chats. She said she’s grateful for her relationship with Olivia’s adoptive parents and for the relationship they’ve wanted her to have with her birth daughter. 

Watson has stressed that she wants to help “reassure other birthparents that you will make it through this journey and in the end everything will be okay … promoting the beautiful and brave decision that is adoption.”