Dating is, for some people, a series of near-misses. A young adult in search of a life companion may spend months or even years dating a person, only to realize that something just doesn’t work. He’s too career-focused; she doesn’t share his goal of a large and happy family, blessed by God with many children.

And so you move on — fondly remembering the dinners and dates and dances, the shared jokes and the laughter, but understanding that your chosen paths diverge, leaving no hope for a peaceful life together.

Thomas McFadden saw that happen in his own life. He admits that, with no strong dating experience, he floundered during most of his college years. While he dated a girl here and there, none of those relationships worked out. Tom and his female friends had different goals, habits and dreams; he acknowledges that breaking up was the best thing that could have happened.

When he finally met his future wife, Amanda, Tom pursued a different course. Rather than focusing on the typical “dating life,” he asked questions. A lot of questions! In lengthy conversations each evening after dinner, they interviewed each other — sharing their faith, their family history, their hopes and dreams for the future. After a month of deep conversations, they began to date — and already, Tom knew that Amanda was the woman he wanted to spend his life with. They became engaged five months later and married just 10 months after that.

Tom recognized that his Q&A approach to getting to know a potential life partner was not a common method among young people. It had worked for him, though, and he believed it would work for others. He began to write down some of the questions that he had asked his wife before dating her, so that he could share them with his siblings and friends who were not finding the “right” person to enter into marriage.

What developed was a thorough list of 101 questions that would help in getting to know someone. He started gently, asking about habits, preferences, likes and dislikes. If the answers to those questions suggested a compatible worldview, he delved deeper — discussing religious practices and culture, views about raising children, and family life. His final questions focused on the woman’s expectations regarding marriage.

After testing the 101 simple questions with family and friends over the last 24 years, Tom has finally released them in book form for a wider audience. The slim volume can help couples explore a wide range of topics, leading to a mutual decision regarding that Great Question: Would they be happy together for a lifetime?

With a foreword by Patrick Madrid, A Catholic’s Guide to Finding the Perfect Spouse: With 101 Simple Questions would be the perfect gift for the teen or young adult in your life — or for anyone who is seriously hoping to enter into a life-long, loving marriage.

 

Holier Matrimony: Married Saints, Catholic Vows, and Sacramental Grace (By Caitrin Bennett, Marian Press, 2024)

Many Americans, it seems, are not taking marriage seriously. According to a report from Modern Family Law, the national divorce rate in 2024 remained at 40% to 50% for first marriages, although that number has been declining in recent years. The number of couples who choose to marry at all is also in decline — with 28% fewer marriages in 2020 than were reported in 2000.

Perhaps in your corner of the world, you see marriages that are in trouble, or marriages that — although not veering toward divorce — are nonetheless not as positive and inspiring as they could be. Engaged or married couples who find themselves arguing too frequently or failing to manifest love toward one another might do well to seek a mentor or a counselor to lead them on a better path to loving the partner God has given them.

Even better: Caitrin Bennett’s first book Holier Matrimony: Married Saints, Catholic Vows, and Sacramental Grace offers the reader some inspiration not from a friend or neighbor, but from the Catholic saints. The book introduces you to 12 saintly couples whose lives and marriages reflected God’s love.

For these holy couples, there may have been hard times: For example, the saintly couple Louis and Zélie Martin, parents of St. Thérèse of Lisieux, lost four children within four years. Two sons, Joseph-Louis and Joseph-Jean-Baptiste, died before their first birthdays. Little Hélène died at age 5 with her head resting on Zélie’s shoulder, and Mélanie-Thérèse died shortly after birth.

And Sts. Elizabeth and Zechariah, parents of St. John the Baptist, carried the cross of infertility for decades, until they were blessed with their son John.

Bennett introduces the reader to a side of St. Thomas More you may not often have seen. After the death of his first wife, and needing to provide a mother for his four children, More married a second time to the widow Alice Harper Middleton. Unlike More’s first wife, who was gracious and always happy, Alice was described as “plain-speaking,” “forceful” and even “imperious.” Despite her strong personality, Thomas More was a faithful and devoted husband.

The list of model couples goes on:

• Servants of God Cyprien and Daphrose Rugamba faced serious illness.
• St. Monica, mother of St. Augustine, was married to a man who was harsh and who didn’t share her faith, but she committed to praying for him until he finally converted, shortly before his death.
• Blesseds Luigi and Maria Quattrocchi served their community and became spiritual parents to many.
• Blessed Barbe Acarie loved her husband Pierre deeply even when he, a member of the Catholic League, was forced into exile. When Pierre grew ill, she continued to love and care for him; after his death, Barbe entered the convent as a 49-year-old widow. 

Intermingled with the inspiring tales of love and commitment are prayers and reflections. In Holier Matrimony, Bennett encourages the reader to strive constantly toward holiness and to rely, when times get tough, on the grace imparted by the sacrament.