Bright, sparkling lights decorate neighborhoods, carols hum through the air, families bustle around preparing for Christmas. But often forgotten in all the festivity are the people who get the holiday blues — including the elderly, who can feel especially lonely at the time of year.

Maybe they lost a spouse. Maybe they had to move to a smaller residence. Maybe they have little contact with people they knew. They might not be as independent as they once were or are experiencing illness or memory loss. 

The faithful can help to banish their holiday blues, help lift their spirits, and bring them into the joy of Christmas.

Kevin and Cindy Engelkamp of Bellevue, Nebraska, do their part by helping to bring 100 Christmas bags to elderly and disabled residents in an Omaha apartment complex a block away from their parish, St. Peter Catholic Church, through its Society of St. Vincent de Paul. This is their 15th year of giving gift bags to the elderly and disabled.

Cindy described how the bags are filled with necessities along with “other items they might enjoy.”

Students at a private Catholic school, St. John Paul II Academy in Omaha, create homemade Christmas cards to accompany the gift bags — and the Christmas joy of the recipients is evident, according to Cindy. “We sing them a Christmas song and wish them a ‘Merry Christmas.’ Some residents say it is probably the only gift they will receive this year.”

Presence is the key, of course.

“One of the greatest gifts we can give to those who are older and struggling with loneliness is our time and attention,” explained Father Jeffrey Kirby, pastor of Our Lady of Grace parish in Indian Land, South Carolina, and the host of the YouTube channel “Daily Discipleship With Father Kirby.”

The priest, a frequent Register contributor, pointed out that making a visit to a local care facility, a homebound parishioner, or a neighbor living alone is “a profound way of celebrating Christmas and serving those in need. In our visits, we can sing carols, read the Psalms, pray the Rosary, or just sit and share some great Christmas cookies.”

Our outreach to those who are older could also include helping them to decorate their homes or rooms for Christmas, inviting them to come to Mass with us, and welcoming them into our homes for a good home cooked meal, he added. “We could also call older people on the phone, send them cards or a gift, and encourage them with words of kindness.”

In Ohio, one way Ryan and MaryBeth Eberhard and their eight children strive to do that is by inviting the elderly into their family traditions, including frosting Christmas cut-out cookies and watching a fun family Christmas movie. “I have also asked empty nesters who are still driving and act in the role of ‘adopted grandparents to help my children with their Christmas shopping or to help me take them out to grab winter boots, mittens, dress shoes, etc.,” MaryBeth told the Register. “Including them is an act of mercy that we will want extended to us when we find ourselves at that age.”

As Father Nathan Ford, associate pastor at St. John Cantius Church in Chicago, emphasized, “They need their humanity to be acknowledged. They aren’t a burden or a waste of time or money. They’re human beings who perhaps have physical and mental struggles but are still worthy of value and dignity in not only what we do to care for them but — and, perhaps, even more importantly — how we care for them. That can include active listening and acts of service.”

Sonja Schreffler, a mother of 10 who runs St. Peter’s food pantry and this Christmas project in Omaha, sees such guidance in action through the Christmassy outreach. “After the team had delivered the gifts to one floor, one of the older ladies came down. She’s 88. She was immediately cheerful and said that when she opened the door, she thought her family had come to visit her. And she knew then that her family had come and that we were her family. It was really sweet because so many of those residents are alone.”

 

Christian Fellowship

“They honestly have not a single person that comes to see them,” Schreffler continued. “We take time to visit with them and let them know that we think of them,” including during monthly visits. “We remember their names, and we see them frequently, and so there’s that friendship formed.”

Father Kirby explained that our service to those who are older is also spiritual. “We should remember them in our prayers and sacrifices throughout the day. A lonely heart is a heart that is forgetful of God, and so our prayers are a strong gift to those who are suffering from loneliness or abandonment.”

In a sense, the story of Paul, who lived in the Omaha apartment and died two years ago, combines all these Christian sentiments. “We miss him greatly at Christmas because, when we would show up, he would be the one that was the resident taking charge, and he would handwrite a list of all the apartments,” Schreffler said. “He was sort of our liaison. We were trying to serve. But he would come out and serve alongside us, also at our pantry events.” 

Paul at first seemed to have nobody either — but then he started suffering heart failure. “We found out that he actually had a daughter who’d been looking for him for 17 years,” Schreffler said. Through the internet, Schreffler was able to find his daughter, and a group from church worked to prepare his apartment before her arrival. Unfortunately, Paul ended up in the hospital, but he promised his daughter he would not die until she arrived. “We formed a team of six people who stayed with him around the clock in the hospital,” Schreffler recounted, as they waited for his daughter to come.

And, most important, just before entering the hospital, Paul received a greater gift. “We found out that he was not baptized,” Schreffler said, so the parish’s pastor came to baptize him. “He cried. It was incredible. He died a week later.”

 

Person-to-Person

Inclusion makes a huge difference for the elderly, pointed out Father Ford. “Perhaps they aren’t able to travel or visit as much as they would like to; an invitation, regardless, is still meaningful and important. We want to show them that they’re still a part of the family, even if Christmas isn’t hosted at their house like it always was. Maybe they aren’t cooking, or hosting, or buying lavish presents. Maybe they can’t make it to midnight Mass anymore. How hard that must be for many of them. So, how can we still honor their role in the family? How can we include them in activities, plays, dinners and gatherings? How can we adjust our schedule to join them for prayer or help get them to Mass?”

“They need love as much as anyone does,” he added, “but how this is shown changes as we grow older. It might require more effort and intentionality, but what a beautiful gift that would be to you and the rest of one’s family to look outwards at those who have so much wisdom and experience to share, those who we should do a better job at honoring and caring for than our culture currently does.”

What a Christmas gift that is.

Schreffler is of similar mind. “It’s just the willingness to go visit and give that little bit of time and attention to the people who are unfortunately alone. It doesn’t have to be fancy. It’s just the person-to-person contact. I think that that is the biggest gift. It’s really just having that interaction and hoping that we bring them some joy. Hopefully we see Christ’s face in them, and we hope that it’s mutual that they see him in us.”