The first and most important duty of a father is to love his child’s mother. This is how a man ordinarily becomes a father in the first place. By this criterion, Elon Musk presents a bad example of fatherhood. 

Before I go any further, let me clarify one point: Each and every one of Elon Musk’s children is a beloved child of God. Each one exists because God loves them and wants them to exist. I thank God for the life of Elon and Ashley’s new baby. We must never regret the child. 

Still, Musk is a bad dad. Elon Musk has fathered 13 children with four women. How can he possibly love all four of these women and their children the way each one of them should be loved? And even if the moms are willing to settle for a mere share of Musk’s attention, their children didn’t exactly get a vote. The kids still need him to love them and their mom as well. 

As numerous studies have shown, children flourish in continuously-married, low-conflict, heterosexual-couple households. Economist Melissa Kearney recently demonstrated the benefits children get from married parents in her book, The Two-Parent Privilege. Sociologist Brad Wilcox and his team at the Institute for Family Studies have been accumulating this type of evidence for decades. But what is behind these numbers? Why exactly do kids consistently fare so much better with their own married parents?

The love between the mother and father provides the child with a sense of security, belonging and identity. Their bond provides a safe haven. Under the shelter of the parents’ love, children can learn, grow and take risks. 

Our mother is half of who we are. Our father is half of who we are. This is an irreducible genetic fact. The natural way that children come into existence is through an act of love between the mother and the father. We can say, without exaggeration, that the child is the embodiment of the parents’ love. 

What happens to children when the bond between the mother and father breaks, or was never formed in the first place? Each parent may tell the child, “I love you; I just don’t love your other parent.” 

But this cliché doesn’t add up logically or mathematically. Most importantly, it doesn’t add up in the child’s little mind or vulnerable heart. When our parents don’t love each other, we lose. Period. 

Adult children of divorce report that their parents’ divorce shattered their own sense of identity. They thought they knew who they were. And all of a sudden, they didn’t. In my opinion, this insecurity lies behind the studies showing continuously-married parents are the “gold standard” for children’s development and happiness. 

We know that sometimes unavoidable tragedies take place that may separate a child from one or both parents. Death. Mental illness. Serious injury. When this happens, all decent people recognize that the child has lost something of real value.

But when a child is separated from one of his parents because of adult decisions, we are not nearly so generous toward the child. We shower the situation with euphemisms and excuses, calculated to hide the fact of the child’s loss. More material resources and good parenting skills do not entirely overcome the problems. Many parents discover this after the fact, to their horror and regret. 

Mr. Musk’s wealth can’t solve this problem. He can outsource lots of family-related services. But his children need love from him in particular. They need him to love their mother in particular. He cannot pay someone to love on his behalf.

Some might say that no one can be a loving presence to 13 children under any circumstances. That is not necessarily true. When one man and one woman love each other for a lifetime and have lots of children — say, 13 children, for example — they have a little society among themselves. Those children get to have the same set of siblings for their entire lifetime. Their family is a little community whose members build each other up. 

This is not true for children of what demographers call “multiple-partner fertility.” When adults partner, un-partner and re-partner, the kids come and go. Your stepsiblings and half-siblings may disappear out of your life. I wonder how all those Musk half-siblings feel about each other, about their half-siblings’ mothers and, of course, about their father. 

Besides, look at how Musk has been conducting himself. Ashley St. Clair is the mother of Musk’s most recent child. Her representative stated on X: 

“Ashley & Elon have been privately working towards the creation of an agreement about raising their child for some time. … We are waiting for Elon to publicly acknowledge his parental role. … Ashley trusts that Elon intends to finish their agreement quickly, in the best interests of the well-being and security of the child they share.”

This sounds like a business deal. 

But maybe you think Elon and Ashley love each other enough to overcome the contractual vibe. More details from the New York Post cast doubt on even that: 

“Musk allegedly provided her with a lavish apartment in the Financial District — where rent for a two-bedroom can soar to nearly $40,000, according to StreetEasy — and a hefty security detail, but no romance … 

“The young mother was allegedly forced to spend her pregnancy alone.

“‘I was completely isolated during my pregnancy. Every part of my career and everything I used to do I couldn’t do anymore. I was told not to tell anybody,’ she claimed. … ‘I have been forced to live in secrecy for almost a year of my life.’”

This doesn’t sound like love to me. 

For all his wealth, Elon Musk only has the same 24 hours a day everyone else has. He can only be in one place at a time, just like everyone else. 

I’m not saying Elon Musk is a bad man. I’m saying he has taken on a responsibility to these women and their children that he cannot possibly fulfill. The kids end up paying the price. 

And he is the richest man in the world.