Several years ago I read the book, Heaven is for Real. The book chronicles Colton Burpo’s purported near-death experience at the age of 4 during an emergency appendectomy surgery. Whatever the truth of his story, I was struck to see how Colton, the son of a Protestant pastor, described “the women in heaven — especially Mary” as having a special role in caring for the little children we have lost.

We Catholics have known this all along: In the order of grace, the Mother of God is truly a mother to us, and especially to our children in heaven. What a most consoling thought.

After my wife miscarried our two children, Thomas and Angelica, within a span of 14 months, the Holy Spirit prompted me and my co-author Cassie Everts to write a book to help couples who have lost a child from miscarriage, stillbirth and infant loss. That book is called Nursery of Heaven: Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss in the Lives of the Saints and Today’s Parents. The book is published by Sophia Institute Press.

As we were writing this book, a new unexpected theme was emerging in several stories from our contributors: Our Lady’s love for mothers of child loss. In fact, the Blessed Mother had appeared to a handful of mothers, sometimes even holding their children. One of the grieving mothers’ encounters with Mary was so profound that Father Victor Feltes described it at the funeral homily for that mother’s daughter:

The woman had long, curly, dark hair, snow-white skin, and beautiful blue eyes which gazed at Veronica. The expression on the woman’s face was very pleasant, calming and peaceful, concerned for Veronica and reassuring. Veronica says, ‘She looked absolutely beautiful and gorgeous,’ such that ‘no model could compare.’ The woman’s lips moved as she slowly spoke with a very feminine, light and calming, beautiful voice, which echoed with some reverberation. And this is what she said: ‘Veronica, do not be afraid. I will take care of this child as I have taken care of my Son, Jesus. Do not worry and do not cry.’

In this vision, Veronica held in her hands her swaddled baby, wrapped in the gray swaddling cloth she had bought for its birth. (Veronica did not yet know whether she had a girl or a boy, since Adelaide had not yet been delivered.) Hearing the Virgin Mary’s words gave her great relief for, Veronica reflected, who could be better than the Blessed Mother to care for her lost child? Veronica raised up her arms in the vision, completely entrusting her child to Mary.

Why are these visions of Mary to grieving mothers important? It reveals the tenderness of God’s Mother, who knows the anguish of a mother’s heart more than anyone. Our Lady of Sorrows ought to be the patron saint of child loss. She who stood at the foot of the Cross stands by every father and mother at their little Calvaries (child loss, especially). The Blessed Mother is not a distant mother. Jesus sends his Mother, for one of her titles is “Comforter of the Afflicted.” And there is no greater affliction for a married couple in this life than to lose the fruit of their womb.

At the Basilica of St. Mary Major in Rome, the Blessed Mother once appeared to St. Bridget of Sweden, a widow and mother of eight children. (Two died in infancy and two died in the Crusades.) This time Our Lady appeared with St. Simeon, and had a very long sword covered with blood. This sword represented the long and horrible grief that would pierce her heart throughout her life. Unlike most parents of child loss, Our Lady was not shielded from the future. Her Son’s death was always on her mind. Having witnessed the most horrific and yet glorious event in salvation history, Jesus’ Passion and death, and suffering it interiorly in her heart, the Blessed Mother can help us in our darkest trials.

Seeing the Blessed Mother is a grace, but not seeing her is also a grace. As Jesus reminds us: “Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe” (John 20:29). If we do not see Mary or our departed child in this life, we must not think our child is lost forever or our grief is forgotten by heaven. No, God is asking us to have greater faith and hope in him.

My wife has never seen the Blessed Mother, nor have I, but I have experienced Mary’s presence. My wife did have vivid dreams of our children shortly after they died.

Make no mistake: Our Lady resides in the nursery of heaven, tending to our little ones. She holds them close to her Immaculate Heart and she loves them. After all, she is their true Mother.

But she also stands by us, who journey in this valley of tears. Our Lady seeks to comfort our sorrows, for her heart was also pierced by the death of her Son.

Let us call upon Our Lady when the storms of life rage, especially when we lose a child. She’s been down the road of Calvary before.