You have probably heard of Gary Chapman’s 1992 book, The Five Love Languages. Many reading this have, no doubt, taken this assessment and understand themselves and others better as a result. One of those “languages” is gifts. It didn’t surprise me when I took this little quiz years ago that I scored a zero on gifts. They’ve simply never been important to me and the other languages all indicated “love” to me in a much more tangible way.

Recently, several work colleagues and I took Chapman’s work version of this assessment known as “The Five Languages of Appreciation.” We then discussed the results to get to know each other better and to have greater insight into what makes each of us tick in our work environment. Once again, “gifts” was at the bottom for me, but it at least registered something above a zero this time. During that conversation, though, one colleague mentioned that he likes to give gifts, but is frequently uncomfortable receiving them.

I had never thought about that distinction before, obvious though it may seem. “Giving” is often done out of thoughtfulness and generosity. There’s a selfless element that’s certainly laudable. But we also get something from giving — the good feeling that’s usually attached. We like to see the person’s reaction when he opens that present and responds with joy and gratitude. But we also all know that “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35). It isn’t just a theological and spiritual truth. It has the pragmatic effect of guiding families, communities and all of humanity to work together more smoothly in the spirit of brotherhood.

But what about receiving? Few ever consider that just because giving is more blessed, that doesn’t mean receiving is not blessed. No matter how low one scores on “gifts” as a love (or appreciation) language, few people don’t like giving gifts. Therefore, it’s likely in the receiving that the challenge lies for many.

How do people often react when receiving a gift? “Oh, you shouldn’t have!” or “I really can’t let you do that!” or even “I really can’t accept this!” Think about it — a person is trying to give a gift that he’s put a fair amount of time and effort (and possibly money) into, and yet it’s easy to react with resistance. (We even do this with compliments. Not to diminish the thoughtfulness involved, but it’s fairly easy to give a compliment. Do we consistently receive them well, though? “Oh, it’s nothing” or we make a joke out of it or quickly change the subject.)

Why? With gifts, maybe we are concerned that the person can’t afford it or that it’s too extravagant. But might it be pride that gets in the way of graciously receiving these blessings from another? Deep down, could there be a hesitation because we want to avoid any sort of obligation to this person? Is it possible that we’re thinking to ourselves, “I can’t accept this because receiving a charitable gift means I’m a charity case, and I don’t need anyone’s charity!”

Receiving a gift with humility and unabashed gratitude is difficult for most, I suspect. It isn’t natural unless we’ve never had anything to begin with. And therein lies the reason that receiving is also blessed. If we can’t receive gifts from others well, how will we ever learn to receive God’s abundant and gratuitous gifts of love, mercy and grace he’s trying to offer? Every good thing we have is from God. When all is said and done, we’re all charity cases. God’s mercy reaches its apex when we acknowledge how much we need him. But we grow up learning that this isn’t an acceptable mindset. We must be self-sufficient, after all. To admit need, and accept it gratefully when it comes, is to show weakness and perhaps lack of ability. On the other hand, giving is admirable and socially acceptable. Failing to see both giving and receiving as blessed isn’t a formula that lends itself well to a deep and abiding relationship with God.

While it’s true that the other love languages appeal to me more than “gifts,” it would behoove me to be more mindful of my wife, daughters and others in my life when it comes to generosity and giving thoughtful gifts. Just because it isn’t a big deal to me doesn’t mean it’s not a big deal to them. What I’m learning, though, is that to receive gifts from others with charity and genuine humility is to bless them in return, and ultimately trains us to draw closer to God — the ultimate Giver.